take this heart...and make it break

need for true companion, companions...

2007-08-24T00:10:00.000-05:00

being away from everyone in my life these past few days has been good. as somewhat of an introvert, i'm definitely recharged by these times alone.

and yet it definitely brings to bear the God-given need in me for others. i miss keri! she is my best friend, my confidant, my lover, my true companion (little shout out to marc cohn -- love that song). something very supernatural about the bond between us. the mystery of marriage. wow. such a tangible, powerful connection. and that translates to a very real need right now, 4 days from seeing her.

thank You, Master, for the gift of a true companion.

i'm also keenly aware of my need for companions...male companions in this journey. it's hard. and i'm so broken. i yearn to fulfill the purposes and plans He has for me, and i find so much of how He spurs me on, humbles me, lifts me up, and transforms me is through some fellas...just a few fellas in my life.

thank You, Master, for the gifts of great companions in my life.

in this hard but extremely exciting season of life, i'm aware of the need to prioritize time with keri -- intentional time -- and time with a few close friends -- intentional time.

i want to serve, to lead well. i want to give sacrificially and generously. i want to obey radically.

and to do these things, to honor Christ in these things, i know a necessary component is intentionality with these amazing companions.

thank You, Master, for speaking to me in this way in the midst of my personal, solo retreat...
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please let us be this kind of church

2007-08-23T01:25:00.000-05:00

i recently received a note from a friend. worth sharing as we plant this church...

Loren,

I just had a very heavy but encouraging lunch with a friend. Apparently my friend's daughter recently became pregnant; she is fresh out of high school. She is having a really tough time because she doesn't feel like she can return to the church she was attending for fear of facing harsh judgment. As this guy was pouring his heart out concerning his daugher, my own heart was breaking because I knew her well and I know she's a believer. While we were discussing his daughter's now-interrupted future plans, he leaned over and said to me "She won't go back to that church but do you think we could send her over to you?" By "you," he of course means Ecclesia Clear Lake. My heart really began to swell and I responded positively at his delight. I have her cell # so my fiancee and I will meet up with her as soon as we can call her.

Praise God Loren! This is why we are here, to love the broken down and those who feel like they don't belong in church. Praise God for the church of losers, drop-outs, pregnant teens and sinners! Feel free to share this with the other people involved in this mission because it's truly a blessing.

Master, make us this kind church...

too long between posts

2007-08-22T22:35:00.001-05:00

wow. just when i was getting proud of myself for being all 21st-century savvy with a blog and all....i go silent....

well to catch up quickly, i found out baby #3 due in december is a girl (yeah -- that's girl #3 -- you know how to pray for me). i mourned the discovery for about 10 days...now i'm celebrating. if she gets under my skin half as much as abbi and emily, oh boy....

i do have a unique arrangement with keri, one that i'm a little sheepish to admit. i've got "exclusive naming rights" on this one. keri really wanted to find out the gender, i really didn't want to, so i came up with a proposal -- she gets to find out and i get to name baby #3. so now i'm throwing every random name i can think of at keri. i'm definitely looking forward to introducing our new daughter to keri at the hospital. i can just see it now: "keri, meet paris."

i've enjoyed teaching at ecclesia houston a couple times in the last four weeks. i was surprised to have been nervous the first time, i guess because i didn't know a whole lot of folks there. spoken so many times the last few years, often to bigger crowds, but.... maybe a healthy anxiety -- keeps me sharp, i guess. regardless, i felt great about 'em both. i'm really excited to teach more, as God has affirmed that gifting in me (and clarified some other areas where i'm weak!). nothing like getting to lean into your strengths, a value i'm embracing more and more!

good segue to mention a gift from above in elizabeth owen as our new part time administrator at ecclesia clear lake! i'm confident she is going to be especially strong where i am weak and therefore allow me to thrive in the use of my gifts and strengths. (thank You, Master!) if you know her or if you're just excited about God using her big time in the formation of ecclesia clear lake, drop her a note at elizabeth@ecclesiaclearlake.org. i'm so grateful and excited!

here she is with her way cool rocket scientist husband, jeremy
(they've got a fun blog)

here elizabeth is helping organize a 400-kid
dodgeball tourney -- see, she can organize and have fun!

also very excited to have a good friend diving into this church plant journey -- nate messarra. i've loved knowing him since he was a sophomore in high school. watched his heart for the Master only grow these last 6-7 years (is he 21 now?!). he's been in scotland for the past year, among other things serving as a part of regarding hope, an emerging missional church in glasgow. i'd be pumped for him to lead and help shape our new church regardless, but i'm even more jazzed as his box to put church in, however big it was before, has been expanded.

here's nate, 3rd from the left, "mentoring"

some high school kids last year

he's a good friend, a passionate lover of Jesus, and a dreamer. three great reasons for me to love him being in the thick of it with me/us. (check out his blog)

right now i'm on a 3-day getaway to focus on preparing to teach this fall. some generous fcc friends (mike & debbie hickey) are allowing me to stay at their suhweeeet lake house on lake mcqueeny (near seguin and new braunfels). wow. it's nicer than my house! it's good to have generous, affluent friends, especially those like the hickeys who love Jesus and see their stuff for what it is. things here have gone well. i've been able to do a ton of reading and praying. only now beginning to do much writing, but i'm very excited about diving into the gospel of luke as a new church. i feel an extra weight as the teaching in this first season of a new church speaks so loudly for who we are and who we want to be. pray for me, as well as for jack wisdom and chris seay who will be teaching with me.

18 days till this little church plant endeavor becomes a reality. i'm soooooo fired up! God only knows what He's got planned to do in and through us....

grace fleshed out

2007-07-31T23:15:00.000-05:00

last week was an amazing, humbling experience. finally responded to jason's cry for some love and attention. enjoyed some food (tex mex @ gringo's -- doesn't get much better) and a movie (die hard 4 -- unrealistic and oh so fun). mustered up the courage to ask him to forgive me for being such a bad friend to him lately, and he quickly said, "oh, i forgive you -- i don't hold grudges!"

the simple, pure heart of a child....he calls me maybe 50 times in the last 6 weeks, texts and emails me incessantly....with no reply from me, spiritual giant that i am (right?).

here's his email to me late last week. if this doesn't personify God's grace, i don't know what does:

hay whats up i had a grate time at the moves that movie was alsome i yester day was the best day of my life well talk to later to u later

jason

amazing.

heart check

2007-07-27T11:00:00.000-05:00

wow.

this week has included a pretty tangible word for me from the Master.

i'm so excited about what He's calling me to -- the big picture of His Kingdom coming here, now, and how He's inviting us, His Church, to extend His reign... "big picture." that's all i seem to be thinking about now. vision. community. movement. changing the world.

and jason keeps calling me.

i've known jason for almost 7 years now. he was born of a crack-addicted mother and is now an 8-year-old boy trapped in a 22-year-old body.

sweet as can be....and boy does he love to call me...and email me....and text me....and call me some more.

how can i dream of living more and more the Way of Jesus and still struggle so mightily with my own self-absorption? how can God's beautiful, helpless, hurting children be nothing more than interruptions to me?!

i trust that You, Master, are speaking to me in this....i'm listening! i trust that You are guiding me as well as i prepare to teach this sunday....

can you be tired but fueled?

2007-07-23T15:58:00.000-05:00

mondays are always a little hard, but i'm flat worn out today! the getaway with several families was really good -- incredibly exhausting, but very good. we're in that season of life with the little ones that makes traveling very challenging. we spent about 10 hours in the car over the weekend, and i'm pretty sure emily, our 20-month-old, cried/screamed for about 5 of 'em. (she's gotta be teething -- no idea what led to all that. i'm fairly confident her head completely spun around when we weren't looking.)

the better half of our road trip...

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but, having said all that, i'm really glad we were able to get away with everyone. eating together and just having conversation was rich, and saturday night hearing "life stories" from 6 different folks was the highlight of the weekend. i'm so thankful that our new church community has people like these familes, Jesus-followers with a big heart for each other and for the brokenness around them.

Master, thank You for calling us to community! thank You for making us for You and for each other, wired for connection. the greatest joy i ever experience is always in the context of relationship, despite my sporadic attempts to hole up alone. i am overwhelmed that Your call on my life to lead this new community includes being surrounded by such a great body of people...Your Body......praise You, Great Provider.....

we went together to worship sunday morning at a local community church (in austin), and i'm sooooo glad we did. it was enjoyable for sure. but then i was able to go to the 530pm ecclesia gathering, and the contrast was stark! my spirit came alive at ecclesia -- the contemplative, reflective worship....the smaller community (250ish vs. 1000+)....the lack of production....the simple, challenging word to love people like Jesus loves.... ecclesia is far from perfect, but the Lord used sunday to remind me so vividly what He's calling us to shape in His Name. i don't want to get into the "different strokes" discussion when it comes to church style, methodology, etc. i guess i'm just saying, "i'm stoked!" about the kind of local church He is forming through us!

eric bryant spoke sunday at ecclesia. he leads a great church out in los angeles (mosaic), and my story certainly includes the way God spoke clearly to me about planting a church while out in l.a. last spring ('06) at their conference. it was good to see eric and even briefly tell him that. mosaic will continue to impact me as a leader, i'm sure.

my buddy, nate messarra, is back from scotland after being gone for 10 months. saw him yesterday for the first time since christmas -- good times! he's diving in with his passion and gifts to the formation of ecclesia clear lake while finishing up his last couple of years of college, and i'm so eager to partner with him!

ok....i've gotta end this little rant.

i'm so worn out....and yet my wheels are spinning a million miles an hour!

(i look totally fine, right?)

old friends and new

2007-07-19T23:44:00.001-05:00

tomorrow keri and i are getting away for the weekend with 6-7 other families. we're going to a lake house on lake travis near austin. with our kids (almost 4 and 2) and keri's pregnancy (now...17 weeks along?), it's going to be a little bit of an adventure, especially with 20+ folks in one big house! might be closer to a bad reality t.v. show than healthy community, but...

this is definitely a big part of our journey right now. we've been blessed with the most amazing friends, several of whom we've been doing life with right here in our community these last few years. and yet now God is inviting us, calling us to begin new relationships with a new church family right here in the same corner of the universe. we barely know most of the folks we're getting away with, and i'm counting on us barely knowing most of the many people who journey with us and ecclesia clear lake....and yet i'm so excited!

definitely not "out with the old, in with the new!" i'm anticipating the joy of maintaining rich friendships with several folks and enjoying many rich, new friendships in this new season.

regardless....God is good and is clearly calling me and my family into this new season....this new community....this new movement of people.

and i'm excited!

(pictures and/or stories to follow after the weekend...)

bachelor life is not for me

2007-07-16T23:50:00.000-05:00

about to go down for night #4 all by my lonesome. keri and the kids went to college station for a long weekend as keri takes care of her sister's kids -- one pregnant mom and 5 kids at her ankles -- and i've been bachin' it ever since (poor me). i'm missing my girls bad, and i'm as aware as i've been in a long, long time how much keri and i are connected.

other times i've been outta town on a trip while keri's been at home, but this time the roles were reversed. doing my daily stuff here -- routines, work, home, friends -- but doing it alone. man, i'm missing my bride!

i'm taking most of the day off tomorrow to reconnect. and it's our 14th anniversary of our wedding, so i think we're going to go to some swank restaurant (texas road house...or pappasitos...?) and enjoy some high class entertainment in the city (a movie?). already spent some serious cash on a recent trip to colorado, so the anniversary budget is low.

love is such a gift from above. romance is part of the fullness of life He offers.

and i'm so grateful.

Master, why do i get to have a true companion like keri? i don't deserve her. You are too generous! please empower me to be to her as You have been to me -- make me more of a servant. make me more tenderhearted...more present with her...less self-absorbed...more romantic...more willing to sacrifice...

i pray You are honored by the way i lay down my life for her, Lord...

a night owl entry...

2007-07-15T00:53:00.000-05:00

well...it's almost 1am. about normal for my brain to be functioning on all cylinders this time of day (as opposed to any time in the morning before 10am). it's a blessing and a curse, but i guess i wouldn't have it any other way.

just finished hanging with some good friends, playing some hold 'em. one of my favorite things about summer is seeing "kids" that are home from college...i really enjoy having rich history with them after being a part of young life for so long.

i'm excited to go to ecclesia the woodlands tomorrow morning. they, like us here in clear lake, are planting a church with ecclesia in the suburbs of h-town. they're meeting monthly now up at the theater (cinemark?) at market street, and i'm excited about going up there to meet some of them and enjoy worshiping with them. it's going to be fun to see how much our journey is similar to theirs as we both seek to lead movements of people on opposite ends of the city while connected to ecclesia houston.

so much of what needs to happen for us to start well in september is happening! the only thing that is not quite where i hoped for at this point is our funding. i still hope to raise $120,000 by september, and God's provided about $44k so far. of course, me being a "glass is half full" kind of guy, I'm overwhelmed and grateful! but...$76k is still a lot of money to me. (i know, i know, Master -- you own the cattle on a thousand hills...my faith can be so small...)

praying for more funding....for generous hospitality from the vineyard church in clear lake (prayerfully considering letting us use their space to gather weekly)....for the Master to completely have His way in me (there is so much room for Him to work)....for the baby inside my wife's belly (arriving in december!).....for this movement to be pleasing to Him and difference making in the Kingdom....

ok, i'm out....gonna hit the sack.

i love You, Lord. thank You for putting up with me, much less choosing me to lead...have Your way....

10 days in...

2007-07-10T20:16:00.000-05:00

so many people are asking me, "so...what are you doing?" well...so far, i'm working at starbucks, sleeping a lot, counting the days for halo 3 to come out, crocheting a new sweater, and shopping as much as i can.

ok -- one of those things is true (and i'm not sleeping a lot). september 25th will be a fun day.

no, it's been a great first 10 days. if i was making widgets or something else tangible, i'm confident i'd have....well, a lot of widgets already. but since the Master's called me to this people job, i'm not sure i have much to show for it at this point. but so much has happened!

our leadership team for ecclesia-clear lake is taking shape
the question as to where we're going to gather weekly (beginning sept. 9th, by the way!) has unofficially been answered (i'll update when it's actually official -- very soon!)
funding continues to come in, thanks to generous, faith-filled, Kingdom-minded people
micah peacock & lauren holmes, two of my favorite young, Jesus-loving musicians, have committed to take point on worship at our gatherings
ecclesia houston (down on taft st.) has opened up its arms to me, more than i deserve, and the folks there are excited about what the Lord is raising up in clear lake -- i've spent a lot of time down there
fun stuff like budgets and websites are almost completed
and i've "had to" go to a handful of astros games with leaders, donors, and friends in on this journey

sunday was a little tough, our first away from fcc. it was especially hard for keri -- i at least have relationships with a bunch of ecclesia folks that have taken shape these last few months, whereas she's been loving our kids. we worshiped down at taft in the morning, and it was one more tangible reminder of what God is calling us to. i went down again in the evening, and, i guess because the "1st day at the office" feeling had passed, i thoroughly enjoyed worshiping. just a dude (robbie seay) on an accoustic guitar with another dude on a cello. ooooooh -- i could worship that way all the time.

as crazy as this journey is and will be, i'm so thankful God's granted me perspective. He's given me a crystal clear calling to boldly lead and teach, a strong awareness of my own shortcomings (and my resulting need for help!), and a determination to balance time for family and for myself in the midst of it all.

it's been a great first 10 days.

loving my girls. here are some pics...

me & keri in colorado a few weeks ago -- the quick vacation before the big transition

how do you say "no" to this look?!

why i'm already answering the door with a shotgun on my shoulder

Lord, You are too generous...too good...thank you for your provision, your affirmation, your empowerment....i pray You are glorified in all that we do as this journey continues and this movement takes shape...that You are honored in all that we enjoy....that You are pleased with our hearts' desire to love You back...our desire to be faithful....

please have your way in us...in this...in me...

overwhelmed

2007-07-02T08:03:00.000-05:00

wow.

yesterday was amazing. hard but good. being at fcc for the last time on staff, teaching one last time, seeing so many friends for at least the last of regular interactions...it was pretty emotional.

i have so much love for that church. it's far from perfect, but the leadership, and therefore the heartbeat, of fcc is the most God-honoring i've been around. at some random point during one of the songs we were singing, i had to try pretty hard not to break down crying. lot of hugs, lots of encouragement from folks. to have this kind of love and support as God calls me out has been overwhelming, especially in light of the fact that there is so much divisiveness in the Church out there. so much ego and competition and fear -- so much sin. it's all about the Kingdom, and it's so right to be around folks that believe that!

now to move into this new season. i've got lots to work on -- meeting with key folks, immersing myself into the ecclesia houston community, raising money, pounding the pavement for a gathering locale, and, of course, all the things that are internal and vital -- praying, reading, working out, eating and sleeping well... i long for some balance and intentionality in those "vitals." at least part of today is prioritizing and planning my week this week...

i'm pretty dang excited! and certainly overwhelmed at how good God is and how wild this ride with Him can be.

please, Master, have Your way with me today. give me wisdom and self-discipline to prioritize what You would have me do. this is Your deal. i'm Yours...

diving in

2007-06-30T20:33:00.000-05:00

well...here we go! my heart is racing, my adrenaline is already pumping, and my wheels (in my tiny brain) are spinning, all because so much seems to be culminating tomorrow! (maybe that's why i'm exhausted already?)
i'm teaching tomorrow at fcc, my last official day on staff. then i'm diving headlong into this adventure God's pulled me into, namely leading and serving a new church plant in our community. so much emotion! i'm excited, humbled, confident, hopeful, expectant, burdened, eager, and increasingly aware of my own inadequacy.

and i'm diving in.

thank You, Master, that you haven't called me into this alone! there is a movement of Your people, already stirring long before You called me into this role. and i'm so grateful to be a part of it!

more of You, less of me. have Your way with me...with us...with Your Church.

pinch me.